There’s a certain kind of loneliness that comes with being a pastor. We’re entrusted with sacred things—souls, sacraments, Scripture. We preach grace every week. We bless the broken. We know the right answers. And still, some of us go home, close the laptop or swipe open the phone, and enter a secret world we never meant to get lost in.
I’m writing this as someone who knows what it’s like to live with that split reality—the public persona and the private pain. I didn’t start ministry planning to manage lust in the shadows. But the unhealed places in me found an outlet when the pressure mounted, when grief or shame or exhaustion crept in, and when no one seemed safe enough to tell the truth.
This article isn’t for the proud or the indifferent. It’s for the ones who still have a tender heart, who still long for holiness but feel stuck in something they can’t shake. It’s for the shepherds who are wounded and wonder if healing is even possible.
Let me tell you: it is. But it starts with honesty.
The Call to Holy Living
Jesus didn’t mince words in Matthew 5:28: “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
This verse used to terrify me—until it began to comfort me. Not because I took it lightly, but because I finally realized Jesus sees the heart. He’s not just concerned with what we do; He’s pursuing the deeper healing of who we are. When we deal with lustful behavior only at the behavioral level, we miss the invitation. Jesus isn’t just asking us to stop. He’s inviting us to be transformed.
In Galatians 5:16, we’re given a path: “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”
That’s not a shame-inducing command. It’s a promise of freedom—if we’ll walk. Not sprint, not fake it, not white-knuckle it. Walk. With the Spirit. And usually, that means walking with a few trusted others, too.
We Are Not Exempt
When we were ordained, we made vows—not just to preach the Word and administer the sacraments, but to “frame and fashion our own lives according to the doctrines of Christ and to make ourselves a wholesome example and pattern to the flock of Christ” (2019 BCP, p. 491). That promise wasn’t just ceremonial. It was serious.
As presbyters in the Anglican Church in North America, we’ve also affirmed that sexual immorality is a chargeable offense. That means what we do in private matters to our public witness.
But let me be clear: I’m not here to heap guilt. I’m here to hold up the mirror and remind you—before it’s too late—that your vows are still sacred. And so is your soul. The Church doesn’t need more flawless leaders. It needs more honest ones.
Why We Fall
Pornography isn’t really about porn. It’s about pain. It’s about isolation, exhaustion, shame, and a disordered attempt to self-soothe. When priests and church leaders fall into these behaviors, it’s rarely out of rebellion. It’s often out of depletion.
The 12 Steps begin with a hard but liberating truth:
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Admitting that, as a clergyperson, can feel like a death sentence, but it’s actually the first breath of resurrection. You don’t need to manage this alone anymore. You weren’t meant to.
A Safe Place to Heal
That’s why we started the Clergy Care support group—for pastors and church leaders who are ready to stop hiding and start healing. We’re not interested in shame. We’re committed to truth, accountability, and the Spirit-led process of sanctification.
We aim to live by the power of the Holy Spirit, according to the vows we made to God through Scripture, ordination, and the Canons of the ACNA. And yes, we hold to a clear behavioral standard: no sex with self or anyone other than our spouse. That may sound extreme—but it’s actually the freedom of a clean conscience.
In our group, we walk with one another as leaders being made whole. We claim spiritual progress rather than perfection. We fall sometimes, but we fall forward—into grace, into growth, into community.
If you’re reading this and something in you says, “I need help,” that’s the Holy Spirit. Listen to Him. Reach out. Don’t wait until you get caught. Don’t wait until the bottom falls out.
Final Word
The great lie is that you’re disqualified because of your struggle. But the greater truth is this: you are being called—right here, right now—not just to ministry, but to healing. Your leadership doesn’t have to come at the cost of your integrity. In fact, real leadership begins with the courage to be honest. Jesus isn’t scandalized by your story. He’s already stepped into it. Now He invites you to do the same.
If you’re ready, we’re here. Let’s walk this out together.
The Rev. Chris Goers is pastor of Life Anglican Church in the Dallas/Ft. Worth Area, along with his wife Jennifer Goers. He is also the director of the AAC’s Clergy Recovery Groups. If you’d like to get in touch with Rev. Goers or learn more about Clergy Recovery Groups and how you can get connected, please visit americananglican.org/clergy-care-groups/recovery.
