by The Rev. Chris Goers

I thought I knew what it meant to surrender my life to God until I actually had to do it. Oh sure, I “gave my life to Christ” when I was 16. I said, “You are Lord of my life” when I was 24. I meant it both times. But I was still in control. I was still choosing which parts of my life to give to his lordship. God was only my copilot. Jesus definitely did not have the wheel.

Then, I tried to stop my porn habit.

I was not in control. My old tricks didn’t work anymore. I couldn’t pray enough. I didn’t have enough discipline to stay sober. The final straw came one weekend when my wife went away for an overnight retreat. I was determined to be good the whole time. I totally meant it. I had my plan, my prayers, my will. Mine, mine, mine.

349 Steps to Surrender

I watched her car go over the first hill, and my brain clicked into autopilot. I went inside and poured my coin bank on the floor. I counted 349 pennies and put the rest of the coins back. I went to the bank and cashed the 349 pennies to $3.49, the exact amount needed to rent a video. I cruised the shelves and picked out a video. Used it. Returned it. Came back to my house and waited in stunned silence. It seemed like I was still in the same spot when Jennifer got home. She sat down. We were quiet for a minute, and then she asked what I knew she was going to ask. “Well, how’d it go while I was gone?”

“Well”, I replied, “I know what those 12-Step people mean when they say they’re powerless because I couldn’t stop myself. I guess we need to try the 12 Steps.”

A New Perspective on Surrender

That’s when I surrendered. That’s when I knew I couldn’t do anything to stop my habit, my addiction. That’s when I knew I couldn’t pray it away, couldn’t memorize enough scripture, couldn’t try hard enough to make it go away. I finally gave up. I was not in control, and I needed something more powerful than me to stop this addiction.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Psalm 3:5-6

I knew I couldn’t trust myself. I had tried that for years, attempting to control my addiction on my own. This time I was going to trust in the Lord. Scripture now made more sense from a position of surrender. I was reading the Bible from a perspective of transformation not simply for information. I had been using techniques in order to control my addiction. They looked spiritual, but I was still in control. Trusting in the Lord with all my heart meant giving all control to Him and acknowledging Him as Lord.

I had leaned on my own understanding for too long. Sometimes I was sincere and didn’t realize that I was operating in my own will. I thought I was supposed to take care of this addiction myself and present myself to God clean and sin-free. I began to accept and understand that God does the cleansing through forgiveness, and He enables me to resist temptation through submission to the Holy Spirit.

I realized I was compartmentalizing my life. I was a Christ follower when I was in the church arena and an addict when I needed relief, comfort, or escape. Husband when I was with my wife. Lost to chains of addiction when I thought no one was watching. When I brought all of that, all of my heart to the Lord, He directed my paths. I began experiencing true sobriety and progressive victory over lust. That was freedom. I no longer felt tired and stressed from battling my addiction. I was no longer orchestrating the different areas of my life. I was “surrendered.” I allowed God to direct my paths and felt the peace that comes from freedom.

There are still times when I find an area that is not surrendered. Or, I let some area of my life, like finances, slip back into my control. By paying attention to the people around me, the people who are not caught up inside my head, I bring those back to God’s care.

What about your Surrender?

Do you live a life surrendered to God? Or do you have particular parts that you give to God and keep the rest for your own care? Surrender is the easiest thing to say and the deepest, hardest thing to do. D. L. Moody was supposed to have said, “The problem with a living sacrifice is that it keeps crawling off the altar.” We all have areas of our life that won’t be perfected until we are looking at Jesus face to face. Until then, we are detectives discovering the hidden areas that are still under our control and not surrendered to the One who loves us and gave His life for us.

God has a life so much better than we can ask or think. He wants us to trust that He will take our life into better pastures. Our challenge is to reject the fear that invites us to desperately grab for the immediate relief in front of us. Imagine if we knew that our inability to let go of bad habits was a fear response to something in our life…fear of loss of status, fear of financial loss, or fear of losing a relationship. Imagine if we trusted God rather than holding on to those habits or addictions for relief. We would then know surrender and peace. We would experience life and relationships on a deeper and joy-filled level.

Rev. Chris Goers is currently an ordained priest in the Diocese of C4SO and serves the sex addiction community through biblical principles,12-Step wisdom, and life experience. Chris is a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional and is trained as an Internal Family Systems Practitioner. Chris is joined by his faithful partner, Jennifer Goers. Jennifer entered into her own 12-Step support as Chris disclosed his addiction and has been living the 12-Step life ever since. Jennifer is a Life Coach and works with betrayed spouses through individual and group sessions.

The AAC is pleased to welcome The Rev. Chris Goers and his wife, Jennifer, as partners in clergy care. Sexual addiction recovery groups for both clergy and their spouses are available to those struggling with this addiction.

Clergy Sexual Addiction Recovery Groups

If you would like to live free of an addiction to lust, contact Chris at chris@lifeanglican.org to find a group of fellow travelers who can relate to living a new life. Sexual addition recovery group members simply desire to stay sober and enjoy progressive victory over lust. No other qualifications required. 

Wives Sexual Addiction Support Group hosted by Jennifer Goers

Clergy wives have a unique role to play in our husbands’ sobriety. Our most important role is to center ourselves in God’s presence and pray that our husbands receive the gift of sobriety that God has to offer. Doing this alone is too hard for most of us, but together we can heal, grieve, and thrive.

In this group, we hope you will find the support and encouragement to be OK, whether your husband has received sobriety or not. We meet weekly and talk about our unique situations, and how to bring our minds into alignment with God’s thoughts and actions. We concentrate on the three C’s – I didn’t Cause this. I can’t Control this. I can’t Cure this, but God can. All this is done in anonymity. What you say in the group will stay in the group. And your attendance will only be known by the others in the group. 

Please join us as we walk together, encouraging one another to keep our eyes on Christ and love our husbands well.

We meet each Tuesday night on Zoom from 8:30pm CST- 10pm CST. If you would like to participate, please email Jennifer@sharedlifefw.com to set up a time to talk and share our stories.